


What Once Was lost

by Avendia



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Pre-The Hobbit, Rape Recovery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-01 13:32:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14521641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avendia/pseuds/Avendia
Summary: Haldir is injured in an ambush by orcs while helping escort Lady Arwen home. On the verge of death, he is saved by an elleth with a mysterious past. Once he is healed enough to take care of himself she disappears. However, different clues lead him to believe she has followed him home. Now if he could only get close enough to help her in return.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was formerly known as Forsaken and was to take place after Helms Deep. I have decided to rework it a bit because I wasn't happy with how it was going. You can find the original on my profile as I've decided to leave it up.This story now takes place twenty-two years before the dwarves try to take back Erebor. My update schedule is sporadic at best sometimes So if you're new to reading my stories that's your only warning.

Smoke and fire clouded her vision, screams echoed through the night air as the small camp was attacked. A clawed hand grasped her shoulder ripping the young elleth from her hiding place under one of the wagons. There was rough cruel laughter from the creature holding her. The last thing she saw before being dragged off into the night was the wide staring eye of her mother as one of the brutes thrust into her lifeless body.

Eglan sat up with a small gasp. Her heart pounding as the nightmare ended. Years of abuse had trained her to keep quiet even upon waking from the horrors of her past. Even now free of the orcs who had tormented Eglan for so long, after brutally murdering her family, she remained quiet. Eglan wiped her brow with a shaking hand forcing the memory out of her thoughts reminding herself that dwelling on it only brought more pain.

A faint noise from the valley below caught her attention, that was odd nobody ever came this way that was why she had chosen to make her home here. The auburn-haired elleth peeked out from the cave she had made her home in for the last 50 years. Below she could see a small band of Orcs. She was unsure where they came from, this was the wrong side of the Misty Mountains for them to have come from Moria. However, that was the direction they were heading. This valley wasn't a typical way for Orcs to get there so why were they here?

Surely they couldn't know she was here. No, she thought with a frown nobody remembered she even existed. She crept closer hoping to discover why they were here. And perhaps she could kill them before they caused any trouble for someone innocent.

As Eglan watched she noted they were starting a cook fire but what could they have caught? There were only a few edible plants that she survived on and the occasional rabbit or squirrel. That was the way she preferred it, after the things the orcs had eaten and forced her to eat over the years she had been their captive Eglan couldn't stomach meat anymore.

As she watched the beasts, they dumped what at first glance looked to be oddly colored logs from sacks. Looking closer she felt a wave nausea wash over her and vomited into a nearby bush. The 'logs' were arms and legs of men and she thought perhaps the more pale ones might have been Elven. Where would they have gotten elven remains this far from any of the kingdoms or the routs traveled between them? Imladris was the closest but the pass used to travel between there and Lorien was much farther south.

Then she spotted him. Was he even alive? The body was whole but so very still. And there was so much blood on the cloak he wore. Its grayish cloth turned to the color of rust. The long silvery hair gave away that he was a Sylvan elf. Surely he was of the Golden Wood. His leather armor alone supported that theory. What was he doing here, so far from home? An argument broke out among the beasts below pulling Eglan from her musings.

The monsters were talking of butchering the ellon soon so he must be alive. The other fresh meat was running out. Cold anger flooded through Eglan, even if he was dead he didn't deserve to be hacked apart and eaten by those things. Inching silently back up to her cave, she grabbed her fathers old bow and sword. The orcs had taken them as trophies when they attacked and killed her kin. She had regained them when she slaughtered the ones left to guard her. Now the same anger and thirst for blood raged through the slim female, lighting a fire within her green eyes.

Her instincts cautioned her, however, telling her to wait until nightfall. These orcs foolishly thought they had chosen a secure spot to rest, as such they were getting thoroughly inebriated. All she needed to do was wait for nightfall, and hope none decided they were still hungry.

She spent the afternoon and evening watching and planning her attack. She had limited arrows so each shot would need to count. As soon it was dark and Eglan crept down to the camp below. The moon was no more than the barest sliver and the fire burned low. The Orcs would never know what was happening before they were slain.

A cold detachment came over her as she took out the first guard as it snoozed. They were nothing but beasts. Things to be destroyed. And destroy them she did, her arrows flew with deadly accuracy. All were dead before any of them could even try to shout in alarm.

'Fools,' she thought.

There was little of the fight she could remember afterward. However, it was always like that, and had been since she had first escaped. It almost seems as if she left her body during a fight and when she awoke again the creatures were always dead.

Full awareness came back to her as Eglan knelt by the elf. The elleth could hear his labored breaths now that she was so close. She sighed in relief, he lived but for how long was the real question. Each beat of his heart seemed weaker than the one before. Getting him up to her cave would be a struggle. He was heavy especially with all his armor, but Eglan didn't dare remove it until she had him somewhere she could treat him. Chances were the armor and cloth under it were the only things keeping him from bleeding to death. She fashioned a stretcher of sorts to move him as gently as possible.

It was almost sunrise by the time she got to the hidden entrance of her little cave and it had started to snow. The climb had been very slow as she tried not to disturb the wound she had yet to examine. Once situated within her home the elleth set to work removing the fancy armor that covered the ellon. His wound was bad but not unmanageable. The armor had taken much of the force and would need to be replaced. Her stocks of healing herbs would be depleted but she could replenish them come spring. Besides she almost never needed them anyway. Old habits were the only reason she still went to search for them, that and boredom.

Eglan cleaned and stitched his injuries applying the knowledge she had gained in her younger days studying to be a healer. Once his injuries were taken care of she cleaned him as best she could. His identity was soon revealed once she cleaned his face, Haldir the March Warden of Lothlorien. Eglan would know him anywhere! Last she had seen him her family had been heading back to Imladris. How could he had ended up so close to death and so far from home? She had no answers.

Would he know her when he regained consciousness? If he regained it at all that was. They had only met briefly and she had been young then and so innocent. No, she wouldn't think of that. Once he was resting as comfortably as she could make him Eglan refilled the water buckets before curling up near the fire to sleep. She had given up her bedroll and blankets to the injured ellon.

The next days were spent burning the Orcs and burying the remains of men and elves she found in their camp. It had been a long time since she had prayed in any form but the dead deserved some respect. She did her best to mark each grave. It seemed only the Marchwarden survived whatever battle had killed the others. Her goal became keeping him alive. It felt good to have a purpose again even if it was only temporary. As soon as he was able Haldir would return home and she would find a new place as she had before. Days passed and when the morning came that he stirred she started preparing to find a new home, knowing she could never return to her kin.

***

The battle raged around Haldir, he was part of the guard returning Lady Arwen to her father when the orcs attacked. The lady's brothers had her safe between them as he and his Wardens covered their retreat. They were being overwhelmed and he could hear his bottlers calling for him. But he was cut off from them when two of the beasts attacked him. He deflected the attack from one of them and knocked it aside, the other slipped passed his guard and into a weak spot on his armor its sword stabbing into his side. His sword flashed out cutting its head from its body and the blade slipped free with a gush of blood. The other one had regained its feet and brought its weapon down across his back slicing through the leather and skin alike.

Time stood still as he fell to his knees, he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. His vision became dark around the edges, time restarted as several rangers jumped into the fray. Everything went black before he could even wonder where they had come from.

The throbbing pain was the first thing Haldir was aware of when he awoke. It radiated from his back and side and stabbed at his nerves every breath. He slowly managed to pry his eyes open and saw a rough stone ceiling that looked like it belonged in a cave. Where was he? Had he been too injured to move? Was he with the rangers then? Or had he been entombed in the mountains? He frowned that didn't make sense. None of the elves would have allowed that, his brothers definitely wouldn't. They would have taken and made sure he was actually dead and then returned his body to the Golden Wood.

There was a fire crackling nearby he did not think the men would light a fire in a tomb. With great effort, the ellon turned his head taking in his surroundings. He was in a cave but it didn't appear to be a tomb. It was small with the fire to one side. There was a figure sitting next to the fire their back to him. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was his brothers calling the retreat then agony exploding across his back. He shifted slightly and groaned drawing the attention of the person near him.

"Do not move my lord. You will reopen your injuries."

His rescuer was a female! Haldir was more confused than ever. There had been no ellith in those that guarded Lady Arwen save the lady herself. Yes, there were female wardens but all had stayed behind to guard the Golden Wood. So who was she? Was she perhaps mortal? His pondering was cut short as she came closer. Her deep auburn hair catching the firelight and the tip of her pointed ear peeking through, she was most definitely an elleth.

"How are you feeling?" Her voice was soothing.

She seemed uncomfortable with his appraisal and smoother her hair to hide the tip of her ear. Haldir tried to speak but his throat was dry and his tongue felt thick from thirst. The girl quickly offered him a cup that he was delighted to find held cool water that he quickly drank.

"How did I get here?" the ellon asked.

"I found you, my lord. You were being held by a band of Orcs."

She was polite but he noticed she refused to make eye contact.

"Where are we?"

"A small valley a few days or so north of the Great East Road," she fidgeted under his gaze. "I must go collect more water."

She stood to leave but Haldir had one last question.

"Wait. I would know the name of the one who saved me."

There was a long pause her back to him. Haldir thought she would completely ignore his question until she whispered reply as she seemed to flee from him

"Eglan."

Who would name their child that? How could they curse her with the name of Forsaken? Haldir noticed evenings arrival by the change in lighting across the ceiling he had heard footsteps crunching through the snow outside more than once but she didn't come back in until well after dark. Was she avoiding him for some reason?

"I need to check your stitches." Her face was hidden by the shadows and her long hair.

 

He nodded doing his best to help her roll himself onto his side. Her small fingers were gentle as they ran along the injury. He felt exhausted by the time she was done and the Marchwarden had to rely on Eglan's strength to lay back down without hurting himself any more.

"The infection has cleared up but you still have a ways to go before you are fully healed, my Lord."

Haldir had his eyes shut tight against the pain when her hand lifted his head and pressed something against his lips. Cracking his eyes open revealed a cup and his nose told him it was likely some medicine. The taste was worse than anything he had been given in a long time. It reminded him of something Lord Elrond would mix. Horrible on the tongue but extremely effective if the demising pain only a few minutes later was anything to go by.

He wanted to ask her more questions but she must have mixed some sleeping potion into the pain draft. His eyes started to close as she tucked the thin blanket around his shoulders. He was mildly surprised when she pulled his cloak up around him but drifted off before he could say anything about its cleaned and repaired state.


	2. Chapter 2

Rumil Stood sadly over the bodies of the fallen elves that had come with them. Of the twenty that had been part of the guard, ten had been fine or only sustained minor injuries. Another three were severally injured, and of the other seven four were dead and the last three were missing including Haldir. He and Orophin had yet to find their brothers body. They had watched him fall and been unable to get to him in time. It was a truly crushing blow for the brothers. Rumil couldn't even remember their parents they had both sailed before he was more than a small elfling and Haldir had been the one to raise him. He had been more father than brother and had never once given any sign that he regretted stepping into that role.

Orophin had been a bit older but still, Haldir had stepped in to help him through his adolescence and now their one constant was gone. The tears were hot upon his cheeks, the grief far too fresh to hide. How could either of them survive without their older brother? The loss was almost unbearable.

"Rumil!" it was his brother's voice shouting his name.

"Yes, Orophin?"

"Lord Elrond has returned from the site of the battle," there was a pause and he looked hesitant to go on. "there are several still missing. Both man and elf, there was no sign of Haldir."

Rumil could feel his stomach roll. There could only be one explanation for the missing bodies. Some of the Orcs must have escaped. His fist clenched, they had to find them and bring their brother remains back to rest peacefully.

"We must find him Orophin." Rumil knew he sounded desperate. The brothers shared a quiet moment before starting the hunt hoping to find their brother quickly. The most direct route back to Moria was a good place to start. The beasts couldn't have made it over the mountains yet.

It had been several weeks since they started their search and so far all the stragglers the brothers had tracked down didn't have Haldir. Orophin could feel his frustration mounting as they made their way back to Imladris once more. The rest of the elves had all returned to Lothlorien, all except them. The Lady understood why they couldn't, but their failure was still bitter. And with the snowstorms in recent days most the other trails had been lost. There were only hints left to follow and most of them were in valleys far north of any of the routs they thought likely. The orcs would have been mad to go that way but perhaps they didn't know how quickly those could be buried by an avalanche. The brothers struck out again with very little hope left and searched the deeper valleys hoping maybe just maybe the band they were looking for had gone this way. Two weeks in and they found some discarded items near a slight overhang that kept them from being buried in the snow.

As Orophin shifted through the pile he gave a shout when he uncovered a medallion. It was one he had given Haldir many years ago. A present when he had become the Marchwarden. He and Rumil picked up the pace. Hoping this was the right way this time. It grieved Rumil to think they had overlooked this way because it had been deemed too far north. He prayed that they could find more than just the medallion to take home. Even some bones would be better than an empty grave.

Eglan tried to avoid the Marchwarden as best she could over the next few days,

but it was not so easy. It was after all late winter and very cold in the mountains, and his injuries still needed tending. So it was either be cold and uncomfortable outside or warm and uncomfortable inside under his searching gaze and probing questions. Eglan couldn't meet the ellon eye to eye. Too many years of abuse to overcome. It was obvious that he didn't understand and she didn't want to tell him and see the disgust she knew he would feel looking upon her.

That didn't stop Haldir from trying to talk to her. The silence was awkward at best, not even his wardens were so quiet on watch. And he couldn't help the nagging feeling that this elleth was familiar to him. He finally started filling the silence with stories of Lothlorien and his brothers. Even if she wasn't listening it felt good to talk, to be alive.

She started sitting closer to him by the fifth day of him telling stories. Haldir wasn't sure she noticed what she was doing but he wasn't going to bring it up and frighten the elleth away. There was something soothing about having her there and each time she sat a bit closer it felt like another victory. As much as he missed his brothers Haldir wanted to spend more time trying to talk to his rescuer and perhaps persuade her to come back to the Golden Wood with him once he was healed. He didn't know why she was all alone but it pained him to think of leaving her that way.

As the weeks passed he began to notice odd things about her. She hardly slept and when she did she would wake suddenly sometimes with a quiet scream that was more like a gasp. Her eating habits were all but nonexistent and her diet was entirely plant-based. No wonder she was so skinny. Soon he was able to rise and move about and that just set off more odd behavior.

Eglan wouldn't look at him and she was once again sitting as far away as she could. Sudden movements would make her flinch. What was going on? He just couldn't figure it out. There was some missing piece here and Haldir desperately wanted to find it. The days passed turning into weeks. He was still healing but knew that the time for him to leave was drawing near. There was a sadness building inside him for the lost looking elleth that saved him. He had to somehow convince her to come with him.

One afternoon he finally ventured out from the cave after Eglan had been gone for longer than normal. Haldir was concerned for her safety. There was the sound of a waterfall nearby perhaps she was there. Haldir was lost in thought of the arguments he could make for her to return with him when he came upon an unexpected sight. Eglan was bathing. He wanted to look away but his eyes were stuck it seemed. Her eyes were closed as she leaned back as she cleaned her long auburn hair. He shivered to think of how cold that water must be.

She turned and stood to pull her hair around her front to reveal the pale skin of her back. Haldir frowned. There was something different about her skin. An audible gasp escaped him drawing her attention to him. She was frozen her eyes wide seeing him there.

Eglan tried to run from the water but he was too fast meeting her at the shore one hand gripping her arm tightly forcing her to expose her back to him. He didn't even hear the small sob that escaped her lips as he took in the sacred flesh that covered her from her shoulders to the backs of her thighs. She had been whipped and clawed he realized with a shudder.

"NO!"

The sudden shout brought Haldir's attention back to the girl herself. She was struggling against his hold. Pleading with him to let her go. Begging him not to hurt her again and her fear was thick in the air. He quickly released her. She collapsed to the ground sobbing and curled into a tight ball her one arm protecting her head the other was between her legs covering her womanhood.

"Eglan," his voice was soft as he knelt next to the shaking elleth not daring to touch her again. "I'm not going to hurt you. Please let me get you back to the cave."

He continued to talk to her in a low voice until she uncurled and looked at him with reddened eyes. Her nod was so small he would have missed it if he hadn't been paying attention. She let him carry her back and dress her in clean clothes but Haldir could feel she was withdrawing from him, even more than she had been when they first met. The only thing he could think to do was pull her shivering form closer to his body and rock her as he had done for Rumil when he was young. His movements were only slightly hindered by his still tender back.

Eglan for her part was pulled into a memory that she had tried for centuries to suppress.

She was curled up in the far corner of her cell listening to the screams of one of the others taken with her. They had so far seemed to forget she existed, but for how long that would last she didn't know. The young elleth still had hope rescue would come before anything happened to her. Maybe they thought she was too young even though she had reached her majority a decade ago. She drifted off into a restless sleep.

The sound of her door slamming open startled her. A clawed hand wrapped around her wrist squeezing enough to force a cry of pain from between her chapped lips. She tried to pull back but couldn't escape. She didn't understand the course language of the monsters but it didn't really matter when she was thrown into the middle of a room full of them.

She screamed as a large one grabbed the front of her dress ripping it down the center. He laughed as she tried to pull the pieces back together protecting her modesty. Another ran his claws down her back shredding fabric and skin alike. Tears ran down her cheeks as she fell to the cold floor. They ripped her clothes from her body a bit at a time.

The largest approached her an evil smirk showing his rotting and broken teeth. He gripped her arms pinning her down snarling something in the dark language they spoke. Two more grabbed her legs spreading them as. She started screaming and fighting again realizing what they were about to do. But it was too late. The pain was terrible as her innocents was ripped away on the cold floor of the cave and her screams echoed as she was forcefully taken again and again until all the orcs were satisfied with her for that night. She was thrown back into her cell naked and bleeding praying for death.

Haldir was woken by Eglan's screams. She was thrashing around lost in some dark dream. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she screamed no. He was quick to act gathering her trembling form close attempting to wake the frightened elleth. She came to her nails clawing at him fighting to get away. He had seen her wake from nightmare before but never this violently. He was left with bleeding scratches on one arm and the side of his neck. They stung but he chose to ignore them as he brought her hands under control.

"Eglan!" His shout stilled her. "Relax, please. I am not going to hurt you young one."

"Please let me go." Her broken whisper pulled at his heart but he released her. Eglan darted to the far corner of the cave.

"What happened to you?"

Eglan flinched at the simple question. This was not something she wanted to talk about. Every moment was haunted by what had happened to her. But maybe she could make him leave her be if she revealed the truth. All she wanted was peace and this ellon prevented that. He awoke feelings she thought long buried. A longing to return to her people being the least of them. But after how the orcs had shamed her she knew she could never return. No, it was better to end this now before she became used to him being around. Or even worse formed an attachment.

The Marchwarden barely caught the word that slipped for her lips. Orcs. The horrible realization of what that met for the young elleth in front of him numbed his mind. She wouldn't look at him and now he knew why. He wanted to know when this had happened. How long had she been carrying this burden alone? Why hadn't she returned to one of the elven realms? Haldir slowly walked towards her and knelt down.

"Eglan, let me help you. Come back with me to Lorien. You should not be out here all alone."

"I have been alone for more than four-hundred years." Her quiet voice was bitter. "No one cared that I was gone then and once you have returned to your forest you can forget about me too."

She was past him and out of the cave before Haldir could stop her. Eglan did not return that night or the next day. He went out looking for her but couldn't travel far while still healing. Soon another week had passed while he healed. But she didn't return, Haldir knew in his heart she was gone. He gathered what provisions she had left behind and started the hike back to the valley floor. Once down at the bottom he paused seeing the area she had laid the ones that were taken with him to rest. Haldir promised himself he would find her again. With that, he started back to the Imladris. It was nearing evening when he heard a couple familiar voices.

"Rumil? Orophin?" Hope flared to life within him. Could his brothers really be out here?

The conversation stopped and the sound of running feet suddenly started to come closer. His brothers burst around the corner only to freeze at the sight of him. He knew that they had feared he was dead.

"Haldir!" the two younger ellyn shouted in unison and ran to hug their brother. He grunted at the slight pain in his back as they hugged him a bit too tight but he didn't complain. Even happy as he was to see them he couldn't help but worry for the elleth that had saved him. She was still out there alone and he was the only one who knew and could search for and bring her home where she belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

The brothers set up camp that evening feeling hopeful that they would finally find some answers soon. Even if that was only the bones of their fallen brother at least it would be something. They were starting to discuss how to go about the search in the morning when a voice called both their names. It sounded familiar. It couldn't be him but who else could be out here? The two looked at each other then darted up and around the next bend coming face to face with a ghost.

Rumil froze causing Orophin to bump into him as all three stared at one another. He shouted his eldest brothers name at the same time as Orophin did. They ran forward together hoping this was no dream. He could feel Haldir flinch at the rough impact but the ellon didn't let them go.

“Brother, how are you alive?” Rumil’s voice cracked at the last word.

“That is a story for after dinner. How did you two find me?”

“Come and eat while we tell you about our search.”

So they went back to the fire and the two younger wardens told the story of their search. Orophin checked his brothers healing injuries while they ate and talked.

“These injuries were tended quiet expertly Haldir. Surely you didn't stitch this one on your back. Who else is out here?”

Haldir sighed, he related the story of waking in a cave under the care of a mysterious elleth. The shock and loathing on his brother's faces as he told of her scares and the revelation of what had caused them he knew must be mirrored on his own. 

“Where is she now? After all her work to keep you alive she should be rewarded.”

“She left some time ago after I was healed enough to take care of myself.”

“We cannot just leave her out here brother.”

“I know,” Haldir sighed in frustration. “But I am still healing and will need to regain my strength before I can even try to search for her. We will speak to Lord Elrond before returning home and see if he knows anything or can help.”

With that, the three made plans to return to the cave the next day and retrieve Haldir’s armor and look for any clues as to where his savior had gotten off to. None of them could bear leaving her behind. Especially after she had saved one of them when she could have easily walked away instead.

Upon a rocky ledge, none of the brothers noticed a pair of green eyes watching them. Eglan may not have returned to the cave but she had stayed close by encase the ellon she rescued had needed her. When she saw him leave earlier that day she had noticed he didn't take his armor. The former healer had gathered what belongings the ellon couldn't carry and followed behind still protecting him.

Once she was sure she wouldn't be noticed Eglan left the rest of his belongings just around the bend along with a note for him to find the next day. She then slipped back into the shadows though not too far. Something kept her close and she decided to at least see him safely back to his forest. Maybe then this longing would go away and he was still healing if they were to be attacked he could be injured again. She knew her reasoning was weak but she didn’t know why else she would want to follow him all that way.

The brothers were surprised to find Haldir’s armor the next morning, a note and a small pouch of healing herbs were found with it. Haldir’s face fell as he read the note he clenched his teeth as he passed it to the other two. It was short:

Marchwarden,

I returned for the rest of my things and found you left these behind. I will be moving on now that spring is close at hand. I wish you luck and a swift recovery.

Eglan

She was going to disappear just as swiftly as she had come and there was nothing he could do about it. She had been so close. His brothers handed back the letter and packed up anything that was too heavy for him to carry. He tucked the note safely away intending to keep it as a reminder to himself and the promise he had made to find her. He would find her and help her no matter how long it took. As they left they failed to notice the quiet shadow following along halfway up the side of the valley.

With Haldir still healing it took them much longer to reach Imladris. Elrond was shocked to see him return alive, and was most interested in the elleth that had saved him. 

“I have a few ideas as to who she could be. However, I must do some research and send out some inquiries before I can be sure.” He frowned and told Haldir he would be in touch, before sending out a party to collect the remains of those that had died.

The brothers were lent horses to help them travel faster, much to Eglan’s frustration. It took her long into each night to catch up with the ellyn she was following. Exhaustion became her constant companion. Some days were better than other than others for food but she never starved. It was four long weeks before they reached the Golden Wood. She was frustrated after losing her knife at one point but she didn’t have the energy to go back looking for it. Hopefully, she could find a replacement somewhere. 

Eglan stopped well outside the sight of the wardens guarding their forest. He had reached home safely, now she could leave. But she didn’t, she convinced herself that one night of rest was a good idea. One night became two, two became a week and before she knew it a month had passed. Orcs were far more prevalent here so she took to the trees to avoid them. Every day there was a new reason to stay. Eventually, that reason became Haldir was back on the fences. She stayed close just to catch the occasional glimpse of him when he rode out. She did what she felt was her part in killing any orcs that she found. All the while she felt a pull to go closer. The feeling was frightening and confusing all at once.

The spring and summer passed quickly into autumn and still, she found more reasons to stay. As the leaves of the great Mellyrn trees turned gold there was a festival, even those guarding the borders celebrated. She watched from a much closer vantage point. She was a silent shadow that protected the border that night taking out any wandering orcs that dared to come too close. Soon winter was upon her and with the turning of the leaves came cold nights. Eglan may not have felt the cold like most but she was still uncomfortable and her clothing was not seasonly appropriate. It was so thin in some places she could no longer even patch it properly. Even with that, she couldn't bring herself to leave. something had a hold of her deep within her soul and refused to let go.

Once winter fully set in she was at a loss for what to do. The snow was heavy but she didn't dare light a fire for fear of being found. The orc raids were only slightly diminished by the weather, and she took out several before they ever reached the woods or him. She tried not to think of him. He must have forgotten about her by now but still, she protected him as best she could.

Then the night came of the worst storm yet. As Eglan sat huddled in a tree right on the border, the storm having covered her approach, at least a hundred orcs came out of the raging snow marching into the forest. She stayed hidden as the call went out through the wardens. She could hear his voice calling out orders followed by the twang of bowstrings and the clash of swords. Eglan crept closer to the fight watching as the outnumbered wardens fought. Her eyes searched for him and spotted him across the clearing fighting five of the monsters alone. The grim look on his face said it all. He thought he would die here. Her heart stopped in fear.

Eglan acted, her body simply moving without her ever telling it to. She raced between orcs and elves alike drawing her sword and praying, for the first time in a long time, that she would reach him in time. As one started to flank him she crashed into it driving her blade through its back before yanking it free and spinning to meet the attack of another. The fight was bloody but short as back up arrived. His attention turned to her. His eyes held a look of surprise as her name slipped from his lips. Others focused on her now and the panic rose. She turned and ran as his hand reached for her, she disappeared back into the night. She knew she should have left long ago. Was it too late? She didn't know but she was going to try. She couldn't face her kin. She couldn't face him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a double chapter day!

The journey back to the Golden Wood was slow for the three brothers. But they were just happy to be back together. About a week in Orophin had them up earlier than normal to start riding that morning. When Rumil finally complained about being hungry enough times he agreed to stop for lunch but Orophin looked troubled. They ate in silence until the middle brother let out a huff and turned to the other two.

“We are being followed,” He held up a small dagger. “I found it in the bushes not far from camp this morning, along with some tracks that were not there yesterday.”

Haldir felt his heart do a flip. Could it be hers? He held out his hand to examine the dagger. It looked like the one he had seen her carry in the top of her boot, he recognized the handle. Was she following them? Was there hope that maybe she did want the help he offered?

“Brother, I don't believe we have anything to fear from our follower.” Orophin gave him a confused look. “I believe these belong to the elleth that saved my life. She will not harm us.”

“We should slow our pace,” Rumil added thoughtfully. “Leaving her behind would be a travesty. Especially after how hard she worked to heal Haldir.”

Orophin finally agreed to a slightly slower pace. He knew this elleth needed help just as much as the other two did, but he was still nervous and didn’t relax until they were back in Lothlorien.

Upon reaching the border the shocked wardens listened to the tale of how their beloved leader survived the ambush. The order was given to keep watch for the elleth but to not approach her unless she was in danger. Haldir met with Lady Galadriel in hopes of figuring out who Eglan really was. 

“Lord Elrond has promised to look into who she might be.”

“I will keep in contact with him and inform you once we know more.” Galerdial could read him too well sometimes. She placed a gentle had on his shoulder. “Do not fear for her. She followed you this far and I do not believe she will leave anytime soon.”

The day he was set to go back to the border she approached him with news from Imladris.

“Lord Elrond believes he knows this elleth that found you.” There was a troubled look in his Lady’s eyes.

“Who is she?” Haldir was unsure as to why she looked so sad. There couldn't be that many missing elves, and searches were never given up until something was found. 

“He believes she was a student of his named Mirwen, she was traveling with Lady Celebrian when they were set upon by orcs. She was the only one not found in all the searches that went out.”

Haldir had to sit. He remembered her now, she had been so full of life and excitement. Traveling outside her home for the first time and her smile had been infectious. The day they left to return to Imladris had been her one hundred and twenty-ninth birthday. She had been so excited she told anyone and everyone who would listen including the wardens at the border. How had such a gentle soul survived the horrors of being held captive by those beasts?

Once he was back on the border Haldir asked for any odd goings-on. There were many. Dead orcs turned up regularly and some of the wardens would even catch sight of a figure in the distance. He knew it was her. The seasons passed but he never could get close enough to her to make his presence known without risking her running. As winter set in he began to worry. There was never a fire to give her away. The only reasons he knew she was still there and still alive were the dead orcs and the occasional glimpse of fiery hair as she disappeared into a stand of trees or behind a hill. Sometimes he would find a strand of long red hair in the branches of a tree on the border but she was never seen that close.

The night a massive storm blew in was the worst for him. His thoughts were occupied with worry for her. Then the attack came. They were severely outnumbered and he became surrounded. He felt a grim determination come over him. If he was to die tonight then he was going to take down as many of them with him as he could. His only regret was leaving his rescuer out there alone. He could only pray that she would allow one of his brothers to help her.

Then as if by magic or a miracle she appeared driving her sword through the one trying to flank him. This distracted another that attacked her but she was too fast. He could feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest as she ducked under the beasts defenses killing it quickly. She wore no armor and fought as if she had nothing left to lose. The two fought side by side until all the orcs were dead. He turned reaching out a hand about to thank her when she spun around running back into the night. He cursed and followed after her.

Eglan ran through the trees. She needed to get away. As she ran she became disoriented and ended up facing a high cliff wall that trapped her instead of the open plains she had been hoping to find. He was right behind her calling her name. She started to climb when a different name slipped for his lips causing her to freeze.

“Eglan. Eglan stop.” Haldir followed right behind her keeping that red hair insight. He became desperate as he saw she intended to climb the cliff she was now facing. It was covered in ice and he feared she would slip in her panic to get away. He could not let that happen.

“Mirwen,” She froze. He knew it was risky using her real name but he couldn't let her get away.

“H-how do you know that name,” her voice was barely above a whisper and he had to strain to hear her over the noise of the storm. He could see her whole body tense and unmoving.

“I remember you Mirwen. It has been a long time but I do remember you.” He slowly walked closer taking in her appearance as she climbed back down to face him. She was even skinnier than the last time he saw her. Her clothes were so threadbare that there were holes in some spots. She looked tired and cold. The dark shadows under her eyes looked almost like bruises. He slowly removed his cloak inching closer to her as if she were a frightened animal.

“Let me take you somewhere warm and safe. You need rest and I cannot stand to let you stay out here.” He watched her, not daring to move any closer lest she panic again. Those green eyes finally looked into his. The longing he saw there nearly broke him. She looked back down and nodded stepping within his reach. He wrapped his cloak around her before picking her up.

“Rest you are safe now and I will stay with you.” Haldir felt her start to relax and by the time he returned to the others she was asleep. He called for a couple extra blankets and a horse. He needed to get her back to the city and away from all the dangers that had followed her for so long.

The sun was coming up by the time Haldir reached the city but his charge didn't stir. This was the longest he had ever seen her sleep. Lady Galadriel met him at the foot of the great Mallorn tree that held his talan. He paused long enough for his lady to look upon the elleth in his arms.

“She has been through a great deal of pain but with your help Marchwarden she may yet heal.” The lady’s voice was sad but when their eyes met there was hope within them. “I will send some new clothes for her. Send word once she has settled in as I would very much like to speak with her, Haldir.”

He nodded before starting the climb up to his home. He would have taken her to the healing house instead but Haldir didn't think the elleth would react well to being touched by strangers. Her trust in him was fragile at best and he wasn't about to risk breaking it. The ellon laid her down on the bed and tucked a spare blanket around her. He went to the small kitchen and started to prepare some breakfast. It wasn't much but the elleth couldn't handle much if her thin appearance was anything to go by. The tea kettle whistled just as a knock came at the door. It was one of The Lady’s handmaids bringing fresh clothes. He took the pile of fabric and a tray of food and tea into the bedroom.

Eglan woke, feeling warm, to the sound of a kettle whistling. She looked around surprised to find herself under a roof. Panic set in first as she sat up followed by a wave a dizziness. The door opened revealing him carrying food into the room. A smile came to his lips.

“You are awake,” His voice was full of warmth and kindness. “Here you look like you could use something to eat.”

It was a simple fair of fruit cheese and bread but it had been so long since she had anything like it. She ate close to half of it her stomach filling more quickly than she would have liked. She bit her lip not wanting to let food go to waste but any more and she would be sick.

“Do not try and force yourself Mirwen. I will save the rest for you for later when you are hungry again.” The use of her old name sent a sharp pain through her but she tried to hide it.

“Thank you.”

“There is a bathing chamber through that door if you would like to get cleaned up and here are some clothes for you to wear.”

She took the pile of fabric and went into the room he had indicated. There was already a warm bath waiting. She nearly wept as she let the warm water cover her body. For the first time in centuries, she had a proper bath with soap and soothing oils. She stayed in the bath until the water turned cold. Once she was dried off she looked through the clothes finding a couple dresses and some leggings and tunics. The dresses she discarded they made running hard and escape impossible she would never be that helpless again. After she dressed Eglan went in search of her rescuer and found him in the sitting room reading a book. He looked up and smiled at her.

“Mirwen.”

“Please do not call me that.” Her voice was filled with pain as memories resurfaced.

“Why not? It is your name.” Halide was confused by her reaction.

“Mirwen died long ago. Down in those dungeons she was destroyed. I can never be her again.” Her eyes squeezed tight against the tears that never seemed to fully dry. He stood and gathered her close. She trembled but didn't try to pull away. There was something comforting about Haldir holding her so tenderly.

“I will not call you that anymore if you do not want me too. But I will not call you forsaken anymore either.”

He guided the elleth to sit next to him on the couch as he gently brushed his fingers through her hair detangling it as he went. After a while, her tears dried up and she simply let him hold her taking comfort in being close to someone. She found herself sending up a silent prayer thanking The Valar for the first time in years. Perhaps they had not abandoned her like she thought.

It was several long minutes before Haldir felt the elleth relax fully in his arms. He glanced down expecting to see her fast asleep but she was staring out his open window instead looking lost in her own thoughts. She took a deep shuddering breath pressing close to his side.

“I…” her voice trailed off and she frowned. “Marchwarden, you have shown me more kindness than I deserve. I do not understand why.”

Haldir tightened his arms around the young female next to him. He didn't understand how she couldn't see that she did deserve his kindness and more. He needed to know why.

“You deserve to be safe. After everything you have been through you deserve to be somewhere peaceful.” He could feel her shaking her head pulling away from him. His first instinct was to hold her tighter but he knew she wouldn't react well to that.

“I-if you knew what all they have done to me you would not think that,” she cried pulling herself fully from his arms. “The things they made me do. The way they made me live! You would not even want to look at me let alone touch me!” She made to run out the door when he grabbed her arm pulling her back blocking her exit.

“Then tell me. I cannot help if I do not know.” His voice soft but she flinched as if he had tried to strike her. He knew not letting her leave could backfire but he couldn't risk her disappearing. She retreated to a corner and as much as he wanted to go to her and hold her close he knew right then it would be too much for the young elleth to handle. She needed to speak and start the recovery processes and that couldn't happen without him pushing her right now.

“You saw my back!” There was some anger in that sentence. “You have seen the claw and bite marks they left!”

There was that fighting spirit he had been sure was in there somewhere. Her voice was rising now as she let it out.

“They stole my innocents on the rough cold floor of their dungeon after making me listen to them rape others over and over! Then they came for me and tore my clothes and skin to shreds before one of them raped me too! They forced themselves on me one after the other all night. I prayed for death or to just forget who I used to be. I tried to hide inside myself but they would not let me! They made me participate. They made me pretend I liked it! If I did not they would hurt me even more. They did that to me for years! No rescue ever came for me, I was never granted death! And still, I endure. I cannot hear the call of the sea anymore I cannot fade and be at peace. There is nothing left of who I used to be and no future for me anywhere.”

Haldir watched as she crumpled to the floor sobbing into her hands. He knew she expected him to turn away from her now but he wouldn’t. In a couple quick strides he was across the room and picking her up again.

“They did not win,” his voice was soft as he moved them back to the couch. “They hurt you in the worst possible ways but you did not break. You are right you can never be who you were before but you will heal and you will become stronger. There is a fire in you it has been blanketed but I can see it still smolders. I will be here to help you if you will let me.”

He let her cry herself into exhaustion in his arms. All the pain and loneliness of the past centuries finally coming to a head as she wept until she fell asleep still in his lap. This battle was far from over for the both of them but he knew that it was a start. For the moment, however, a nap did sound good. Haldir leaned back and closed his eyes. He promised himself he would be there with her when she woke.


End file.
